Dance could cause plenty of emotional responses. Lots of the time, we concentrate on the enjoyment; generally we name these “dance highs”. However, each excessive has a low. A kind of lows could be envy.
What triggers envy?
The triggers for envy could be refined or apparent, and might look very completely different relying on the particular person. You would possibly really feel envy:
- When another person works much less onerous, however is extra in style or a greater dancer;
- After shedding a contest (or, merely failing to do effectively);
- When your friends are succeeding extra rapidly than you;
- Taking a look at a accomplice who appears to be the glorified one in a partnership; or,
- When your “dance crush” appears to have a greater reference to another person.
This isn’t an exhaustive record; jealousy can take many, many kinds.
Generally, that envy can coexist with very actual prejudices. For instance, younger ladies who’re thought-about stereotypically engaging – particularly if they’re additionally a powerful dancer or very gifted – usually entice a really important diploma of jealousy as a result of they’re perceived as extra in style and accessing higher dances.
A few of this envy could be the results of discrimination confronted by ladies who should not have a number of of the privileges these ladies do. For instance, a bigger or older physique could face the next diploma of discrimination – and exacerbate deep-seated insecurities which might be the results of systemic social points.
“Unhealthy” Envy
Opposite to what many assume, envy and jealousy aren’t inherently “dangerous”. They’re emotions; they’re a pure response to our circumstances, notion, and conditions. Individuals who have realized methods to course of envy are usually in a position to acknowledge and title the sensation – and permit it to be felt with out internalizing or externalizing it in an unhealthy method. For instance, a dancer who sees somebody begin 4 years later than them and turn out to be way more in style at social dancing might be able to mirror:
Man, that particular person is so in style socially; I’m not. This makes me really feel jealous as a result of I need to have that have. I need to be the favored dancer, particularly since I work so onerous at this. It doesn’t really feel so nice to really feel like my effort isn’t acknowledged.
Nonetheless, for people who find themselves much less comfy with the sensation, it may turn out to be damaging. When directed internally, it may trigger intense emotions of disgrace, self-hatred, or worthlessness. For instance:
Gosh, I’m such a foul particular person. A very good particular person wouldn’t be jealous of their success. A very good particular person would solely be blissful for them. This implies I have to be faulty or flawed; I don’t should be included in the neighborhood when I’ve such a foul perspective.
Some folks may internalize it by evaluating themselves to these perceived traits, and feeling they may by no means “measure up” as a result of they’re inherently flawed in different methods.
Conversely, if an individual views envy as a foul factor however is unable to self-reflect as a result of it threatens their sense of safety, they could direct it outwards. This could usually appear like blaming or discovering a motive to justify channeling envy to anger:
They’re solely in style as a result of they put on revealing garments and are scorching and younger. They don’t care about dance; they’re a shallow person who doesn’t deserve this success. They’ve simply bought everybody wrapped round their finger – and there’s a number of shallow dancers that solely care about getting them into mattress.
Each internalization and externalization of envy as a “dangerous” emotion can result in plenty of issues. For people who internalize it, they could discover themselves spiralling right into a dance melancholy (or, actual melancholy) the place the enjoyment is sucked from the expertise as a result of they’re unable to take a seat with feeling one thing that could be very pure and regular. For people who externalize it, they could turn out to be judgmental, indignant, vindictive, and harm different folks’s emotional wellbeing (or, in excessive circumstances, whole communities).
So, what do I do with my jealousy?
Properly, that relies upon. It relies on the way you course of feelings, and what motivates you in a wholesome route. In case you have no idea what that appears like for you, you could need to take into account discovering a therapist or self-studying. This would possibly embody issues like podcasts, books, movies, and extra. In the end, dance could be therapeutic – however it isn’t an alternative to remedy, and it’s unlikely to develop wholesome emotional coping mechanisms by itself.
Listed here are some some self-reflective questions that I exploit to course of emotions of jealousy:
- What’s the “factor” that’s making me jealous?
- Is that this factor one thing that I may also attain, if I concentrate on working in direction of it?
- If it’s not attainable, what can I do to maneuver previous the sensation of jealousy in a constructive method?
- Do I really feel like they don’t “deserve” it? Why do I really feel that method?
- Am I feeling anger or resentment together with the jealousy? Has the particular person performed something to me that will clarify these emotions, or is it about one thing aside from my relationship with them?
- Am I feeling some other feelings together with the jealousy that will mirror a necessity or need that I ought to handle?
Envy in Stability
In the end, feeling jealous doesn’t make anybody a foul particular person. However, it may get in the best way of getting a constructive dance expertise and constructing wholesome interpersonal relationships. However, if we mirror inwards and discover ways to course of this troublesome emotion, we are able to settle for it – and ourselves – and transfer in direction of a extra constructive relationship with dance – and ourselves.
For instance, some wholesome expressions of jealousy can embody:
- Seeing somebody who’s doing rather well, and utilizing it as inspiration to work tougher
- Studying methods to construct relationships with people who encourage us, somewhat than tearing them down
- With the ability to acknowledge and title the emotion, sit with it, and let it go as a pure cycle
- Differentiating emotions of envy from demonizing the particular person
So, the following time you’ve the pangs of jealousy, resist the urge to be onerous on them – or your self. Think about taking a second to consider the visceral emotional response, and perceive your self. You – and your dance neighborhood – will thanks for it.
