John Oliver spent a number of minutes of his Final Week Tonight opening section speaking concerning the 2024 presidential race, however he devoted chunk of that point addressing the baseless rumor that J.D. Vance as soon as had intercourse with a sofa.
As you’d count on, Oliver is not any fan of Republican candidate Donald Trump‘s vice presidential working mate.
“J.D. Vance sucks a lot that it says one thing that for a number of days this week, the web ran wild with a joke tweet that he was the primary VP decide to have admitted in a New York Instances bestseller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two sofa cushions, with a quotation to a web page quantity from his memoir,” Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Household and Tradition in Disaster, Oliver mentioned on his HBO present.
Whereas that isn’t truly true, Oliver opined that he might imagine it may need occurred.
“It isn’t in his e-book, however I believe the explanation it spreads so quick may be that A, no person learn that fucking e-book, and B, it was extremely straightforward to imagine, as a result of should you ask me to attract a person that fucks his sofa, 10 instances out of 10, I’m drawing this man,” he mentioned, exhibiting a photograph of Vance. “Should you ask me to play Two Truths and a Lie with this man, earlier than he even open his mouth, I shout, ‘The reality is he fucks his sofa!’ I’ve by no means seen somebody with extra couch-fucker vitality.”
Oliver continued: “He appears like he watched the Tom Cruise-Oprah interview and was jealous of Tom’s sneakers. Should you instructed me that his first superstar crush was the plastic couch from Everyone Loves Raymond, I’d imagine you with out query. Should you instructed me the explanation you discover cash in between sofa cushions is as a result of J.D. Vance at all times leaves a tip, I’d be like, yeah, yeah, that sounds proper.”
The Final Week Tonight host famous that the rumor even made its means world wide, with a Norwegian media outlet posting the headline “Hadde ikke intercourse med couch,” which he quipped “feels like an indication they needed to put up in IKEA after J.D. visited an excessive amount of.”
Oliver additionally referenced the Related Press‘ choice to put up a fact-check with the headline “No, J.D. Vance didn’t have intercourse with a sofa,” which the information outlet later faraway from its web site. The hyperlink then took web surfers to a message studying “web page unavailable” and the reason that the story didn’t undergo the AP‘s “commonplace modifying course of.”
“No shit it didn’t as a result of there’s an apparent downside with that unique headline,” Oliver mentioned. ” And the explanation I do know that’s we care so much about information and exact phrasing on this present. So I can inform you, you may’t say J.D. Vance didn’t have intercourse with a sofa definitively. You possibly can say that he didn’t write about doing that in his e-book as a result of that’s provable, however that’s not the identical as asserting he by no means fucked a sofa, particularly as a result of he hasn’t formally denied it.”
Oliver then mentioned that his workers reached out to Vance’s marketing campaign final week, asking point-blank if Vance “ever had intercourse with a sofa.”
“They — and that is true — hung up on us, which is, and that is crucial, not a ‘no,’ is it?” he mentioned.
Comply with-up texts and emails have additionally been left unanswered.
“However … look, who is aware of the place that is going,” Oliver continued. “The information is shifting so quick proper now, the RNC was solely final week, it was solely two weeks in the past that Trump was shot and there are such a lot of variables between right here and November. We don’t know who Harris’ VP decide might be. We don’t know which candidate will keep momentum. The race is not possible to foretell. However … till he tells us in any other case, I’m gonna assume that J.D. Vance fucked a sofa.”
